Nathan was a Pacific islander who worked as a roofer. Whilst on his way home from a job, which required him to be away from home for a week, he stopped at the bar for a few drinks with his mates. After several hours at the bar, Nathan returned home in a drunk state.
Whilst in his intoxicated state, he poured gasoline in front of the house and then called the place on himself. Nathan was court-ordered into anger management. Rather than following the standard anger management program, I explored Nathan’s past with him to discover that he was moved by himself from the Pacific Islands when he was 12.
This created quite severe feelings of abandonment. After untangling this trauma from his emotions, Nathan sent his partner to me and Sheila came to her first session very reluctantly, The previous counselor told her that she would need to leave Nathan and that it would be the most difficult thing she would ever have to do, Sheila stated that “how dare that, lady says that leaving Nathan would be the most difficult thing she would ever have to?”
When asked, Sheila said she would not want to leave Nathan. However, she did want things to change. She was also a Pacific Islander and was a successful businesswoman. After we mapped out how Sheila actually wanted their relationship to be, we then negotiated the terms of the relationship between Sheila and Nathan.
At the end of the court-ordered separation time, Sheila and Nathan got back together and became proper parents for their three children. Also, Nathan decided to become a counselor and he left the roofing business and went back to University.